Beyond Senses

Published as "Goodbye Cruel World" by Mr.Ed

It is like that moment that the dying would describe minutes before they breathe their last. There is nothing you see but series of incessant images flashing before your very eyes. But this time… so noiselessly, so mutely… so eerily silent yet filled with emotions growing even more intense as you are nearing the end.

You get to see everything from the moment you cast a smile on something he wrote, to the first flower you ever got from him, from the site of his pictures to the feel of his real face in your palms, from his mere description of himself to the first time you ever smelled his scent while he moved closer to you, from the first time you ever heard him say “I love you” to the very first moment you felt his lips press on to yours, from the moment he held your hands to the first time he ever made love to you.

The clock ticks away the minutes so rapidly. And for the first time you wanted to hold it back for you are afraid that he won't be in the next frame of your life anymore.

Then the last scene flashes before you, it contains events that you regret- That particular moment that you could ‘v erased if only you are miraculously graced with another five minutes of your life to live in the past. ..that moment when you had to end everything so abruptly.

Your fingers start to loosen its grip as your heart begins to slow down its pace. And as you ebb away, the more severe your longing for life becomes. You wanted to hold on to that last scene again. That moment you shared with him .. the moment that could’ve lasted longer if only you paid more attention to your heart.

The images grow hazier around you and as it does.. you begin to worry for you want to know what happens after you are gone. You want to find out how the world goes as you are being jettisoned from the great big vessel of life.

It makes you go wild to know that there is nothing else you could do now. As you struggle to save your last breath for the last dream you can ever create in your thoughts, your system begins to malfunction.

Now, your mind is drifting away from that place you once called your home.. to a place where you don’t recognize anyone or anything at all, a place where you won’t feel any grief or bliss.. neither tears nor laughter.. a place where there is no You nor Him.

Then you wait in patience as you approach a certain wormhole where you will be given a second chance to prove yourself worthy of an extended life. Your head aches as you wish harder for a new one you would entirely spend with him. But such is not happening.

Your mind zooms back into that last love scene again and you begin completing the story with more details, with more intense emotions, with bliss this time and not sorrow... with higher hopes and better dreams. With him again!

Memories begin to spin like rings within rings.. like spirals within circles, like twirling tops that move onto the never ending flow of striped lamps seen in every barbershop entrance, like a spinning record on a turn table … like the ripples that disperse as a pebble is dropped in a pond...like your reflection in his eyes and his in yours.

A small wish for his presence escapes your lips and you hope he can hear every single word you utter at this very moment. You want him to believe that these words will remain true even after you are gone.

The electrocardiograph is now struggling to pick up the faintest signal from your heart and your soul now sees the last piece of the jigsaw slowly being put to place. The ultimate moment is here.

And you close your eyes ... and your body becomes light as your soul drifts farther and farther away from it.

The scenes become fainter, smaller... hazier.